Day 9 – morning

I woke up very very early this morning, still in the dark where I sit right now.  I got to thinking about something so thought I would go ahead and write it.

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How ironic that I’m spending these days diving in to my sister’s murder, which occurred 100% because she snuck off and got married to a sociopath who insisted on it’s secrecy and urgency due to his ultimate plan of murdering her for insurance money.  Ironic that at the same time, the very same time, I sit here planning my own elopement.  Unafraid.  Contrasting these things in their seemingly imperfect timing.  Don’t worry, it’s a few months off though.  It may be a small affair but it will be epic.

I read an article on Elephant Journal that I typically love and brought these thoughts even more in to the forefront.  The author talks about the reasons she’s getting married, from a person who had kind of sworn off marriage (in my case, relationships entirely).

Read the article here.

So the thought that came to me this morning, feeling fearless and relaxed and completely confident and unambivalent in my decision (which my dear sister felt none of as evidenced all over her journal and her words to me), is that Cindy’s “marriage” led her to death.   She Mine is leading me to more life.  And that’s basically it.

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John out sledding over the weekend with his darling daughter–and yes he looks young but we are the same age 🙂

I feel more alive with this man and something inside both of us says “get married” and it’s such a clear ringing bell and we feel so liberated to create the unconventional type of marriage that fits us each and together like a glove, we are acting on it.

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he proposed to me moments after this was taken

In style and grace and consciousness and I just couldn’t feel more excited and the calmest I’ve ever felt with a man.  How does one describe or justify that kind of rightness?  You don’t, you just move.  I believe this is where the expression “Follow Your Bliss” was born.  Not everyone is comfortable with it (that’s a very short list for me though). But you don’t care.  You just keep following.

Those are my morning thoughts.  I’m sure Cindy is smiling on us right now with her blessing.  I feel it.

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And now, today, I’m writing.

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