I spent 3 hours this morning diving in to my past and in to the present with thoughts of the death penalty here in Arizona, my sister’s homicide and the Jodi Arias trial.
John, my fiance and I are attending the Sedona Film Festival right now and have signed up for so many films we don’t really keep track day to day of what we see.
Imagine my surprise
shock when we walked in to our double feature today with the theme not just around prison/prisoners but about Death Row and the Arizona State Prison specifically.
The first film we saw was a short film, very well done, about a condemned inmate’s last meal. It was called Meat and Potatoes (linked there) and I have to say, although done with a compassionate spirit about a death row inmate being served his last meal, it truly touched my heart.
The second longer documentary was A Place to Stand (linked there) about Jimmy Santiago Baca and his journey to poetry through, you guessed it, his time served in the AZ State Prison. There were scenes and descriptions of Cell Block 6 there which is literally the first cell block where Cindy’s killers were incarcerated in 1990. Talk about surreal.
John kept holding me tight and squeezing my hands whispering “are you ok?” and “do you want to leave?” because of course he knew what I’d been writing about all morning. One of the many blessings of having a caring loving Psychologist in my life–he’s so supportive.
I was proud of myself that I was able to appreciate these films with no malice in my heart considering all the other things I was contemplating today. I truly was able to embrace their themes of healing and compassion. I do believe that those attitudes are important in this world. My path related to these issues is a different road, at least right now. But I’m glad I have a heart of compassion in general that still beats strongly on these subjects so injected deeply in to my own heart.
I felt a huge weight in my chest, but I stayed through both movies and shared appreciation to the film maker of how they touched me. All of this, to me, is a sign of my healing and I’m very pleased about that.
But really, talk about signs. Damn, I don’t know that I know totally what that was about but wow, it sure got my attention.
Disappointed the jury did not reach a verdict today and found I needed a nap this afternoon to kind of process all of these things, including this space of limbo. And my heart continues to open wide to the Alexanders and all of Travis’ loved ones tonite and will continue sending love and healing until this verdict comes in.
I love you all out there for reading and sharing. I feel very connected.