feedback, please

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Good morning from Paradise!

I’m a busy little beaver over here tapping away.

I’ve written two more chapters since yesterday and I want to ask some feedback if you’re so inclined. Also feel free to write me off the blog if you’d like (contact tab) on this issue.

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I’m reading Juan Martinez book and there are obvious similarities writing about a murder trial. I’m piecing mine together a little differently just on personal preference. He weaves the trial and testimony in to his narrative. I’m delineating mine out with the layout of the exact transcript. I guess for me being kind of a trial nerd, I like reading exact wording of things–testimony, police interviews, that kind of thing. So I’m laying it out like that vs. weaving it in to the story like Martinez does (which also works). It’s just a style thing.

I’ll give an example from my writing this morning:

Cathy Hughes addressed the life insurance in her examination of me. 

CH:  During the period of time that we’re talking about, from November to December 1988, did Cindy ever talk to you about life insurance?

KM:  Yes.

CH:  And can you remember on how many occasions she talked to you about life insurance?

KM:  I would estimate four or five times.

CH:  Did she ever tell you how much life insurance they had applied for?

KM:  No.

CH:  Did she ever talk to you about why she was getting life insurance?

KM:  Yes.

CH:  And what did she tell you?

Mr. Villarreal: Objection to hearsay, your Honor.

CH: It’s for the state of mind of the victim, your Honor.

The Court:  Overruled.

KM:  How it came up a lot in conversations was that she had to meet repeatedly with this insurance agent when we had plans. And then I asked “Well, what is this all about, you know, this insurance deal?”.

(I marvel at how naïve I was then, how we all were. Not anymore)

And that’s when she said that Michael was arranging for policies for them, a life insurance policy, and that it was for the purpose of investments, investing money, that he had a lot of money and was looking for ways to invest his money, and in Germany that was the customary thing to do when you marry someone, was to take out a life insurance policy as an investment program or something. And was how it was explained to me.

CH:  And did she mention that every time that you talked about the subject?

KM:  When we talked about it, that was consistent, yes.

 I intend to tell the true crime piece of the braid this way–through exact transcripts laid out like this.

Does this work for you, style wise? I’ll talk to my editor at our meeting tomorrow about this but kind of wanted to get a read from you guys as well.

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By the way, on a completely different topic, I found my way to a natural Artesian well yesterday where you can obtain drinking water for free and oh man was it worth it! I couldn’t wait to get up and make my coffee with it this morning and I’ve never tasted coffee this smooth. I see this outing as a several times a week venture for me while I’m here. Wow, never water could taste so good!

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Cheers!

 

 

 

 

15 thoughts on “feedback, please

  1. Thank you everyone for the feedback! I had a hunch that readers who are drawn to the True Crime element of this memoir will appreciate exact documentation (as I do). Thank you! And oh boy, just finished a chapter that includes a lot of Cindy’s internal angst from her journal as she was pulled in to this dark web–that was hard to read and transcribe so I’m gonna go take a break and find some chocolate.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yes, I prefer seeing transcripts along with the behind the scenes info. Thank you so much for sharing the process. .I can’t imagine the emotions it brings up.
    I am so glad you are taking some time away to rejuvenate yourself. Clean pure water..sounds delicious! Sending you strength and wisdom to guide you on this journey! Big hugs from New Mexico. Kim in nm

    Like

  3. i agree with kiminnm,,to tell the story,,like 2 friends sitting.. and while you tell what was happening,,what you was feeling at the time. and then flash to the transcripts..i read a book and it plays like a movie so i can see you sitting and telling your story,,the background and feelings and fadeing to the transcrips..then fading back to you..if it makes sence..dont mind my rambling..i”m on my meds

    Liked by 1 person

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