I’m still here.

Just a quick update about the book. I have not abandoned it. Life just got very complicated with Covid, moving my father and brother to a retirement community near us in PA (which was not an easy task) and then our father shortly thereafter having a stroke and passing away on October 10, 2021.

In addition to assuming full caretaking of my brother, I’ve been consumed with a complicated estate settling and of course the grieving process of losing my father. While at the same time selling our family condo in Sedona, my Dad’s place in AZ, buying a large lake house in PA and moving all of that. As I said, it’s been a time. Good, hard, sad, glorious, all of the above.

Also, did I mention here that Rudi Apelt died in prison this Spring of natural causes? That has changed my life dramatically as I will never, ever have to attend a parole hearing again. Major. Thank God he’s dead.

But a couple of updates.

A production company out of the UK contacted me a few months back and they are doing an hour long TV show on Cindy’s case. I was interviewed for seven hours a few weeks ago, which was a bit of everything. Part of the reason I say yes to these projects, is I can’t tell you the healing that occurs for me because of participating in the process.

For this one, they needed as much video and audio footage that I have of her, so that pushed me to convert VHS and cassette tapes in to CD’s and a flash drive to preserve them. Also the hunting down of those things–plus photos–kind of forces me to open doors that are ultimately good for me to do. I think many survivors of homicide kind of box things away, and the grief gets lost in the violence. At least that’s happened for me.

This project appealed to me because there is a huge emphasis on telling Cindy’s story, which is really the point of the book as well. There is little focus on her killers and more on knowing and understanding her as a person. They asked me so many questions about our childhood/upbringing, how she was all throughout her life, our relationship, on and on.

In many ways, it’s been easier for me to focus on the crime, than on the loss. This pushed me to the latter and it was so good for me. Of course it’s not easy, lots of tears and pain comes to the surface, yet as I say, it’s better out than in. As any of you out there who relate, it’s always there. No closure ever comes. It’s just how much we are feeling it any given day.

So there’s that. I’ll know more soon about the air date but they said late Fall or early Winter.

Now to the book.

I’m headed back to Edmonds this Fall for three weeks to complete it, tweak some things and make a serious push for an agent/publisher. I’ve had a couple interested and frankly just blew it off as I just couldn’t put my energy there. So I’ve got a nice long expanse in my writing paradise to get this wrapped up.

I love my life in PA so much that it doesn’t make as much sense to leave it now, but Edmonds is where I’m doing this book and where I will finish it. Plus, it’s one of my major happy places on the planet and I can’t wait to get back in to that ferry riding, Puget sound, Pike Market, Olympus spa life and see my friend Pat again.

I hope you all are enjoying your summer. We are doing well. Well, I should say I’m crawling back out of exhaustion of the last couple of years. I actually cancelled all my summer travel and postponed my Dad’s rather large memorial service I was planning in Maine because I was just flattened. Rest has been my friend this summer (but still continual work settling my Dad’s affairs–sometimes it feels like it will never end).

My brother is doing especially well after a rough patch a few months ago. We got him some additional support and he’s living alone in the duplex we moved him and Dad in to with lots of activities and he’s really taken to it. He also comes up to the lake house with us and we will spend all our holidays as a family up here. It took some work and learning to get him to his highest functioning but I think we’ve landed there. He’s doing lots of cooking and baking from scratch lately–lasagna, blueberry buckle, strawberry pie. It’s great to see.

Of course, we all enjoy our family life with our darling ten year old Lillian who is just the sweetest kid and such a blessing in my life.

I’ve been gardening as usual–flowers and veggies–the tomatoes are coming in hot now. So I made and froze some homemade marinara sauce and told my brother it’s for him to make us a lasagna for Christmas Eve.

I’ll keep you posted on that show–and expect updates in October as I dive back in to the book.

It’s time.

Cheers–and thanks for continuing to care,


11 thoughts on “I’m still here.

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I think of you often (old friends from Courttv days) and have followed your journey. I did a double-take when I saw your e-mail! Wishing God’s blessings as you continue on. Looking forward to your book.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow, I totally forgot we had names on the message board. Too funny. I tried to remember and nowadays I keep a file of usernames but back then I did not. Yes, between being glued to court and then running to message boards, it was fun. Stay well.


  2. So glad to hear from you! Oh my goodness, just reading the first two paragraphs I viscerally felt all that you’ve had to deal with, basically all at one time as it kept unfolding in real time. There is no easy way to part from a beloved parent – no matter the circumstances. You were a devoted daughter and I’m sure you gave him much happiness. Not many are fortunate enough to have their father for the time he was allotted – and you had a deeply loving connection, as I had with my parents. I will always miss them. I am thrilled to hear that Rudi Apelt died in prison. So glad that you participated in the upcoming show. I strongly agree with you about the healing from the participation process. I think one of the last posts of yours that I distinctly remember reading was when you went to Edmonds Washington to write the book. How long ago was that? “In many ways, it’s been easier for me to focus on the crime, than on the loss.” That statement deeply resonates…Your news about your brother made my heart sing ツ Will be looking forward to when the show airs and fall updates on your book.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Nancy! Thanks for following along all these years! I started the book in 2015 — I really wrote the bulk of it that year but have been tweaking it ever since. It’s really 90% of the way done. Looking forward to reading it again start to finish to see where it’s at and what I need to edit. I think true crime readers will appreciate all the attention to actual documents I’ve been able to share–they tell so much of the story. Thanks for being out there still following!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Forgot to mention that I love all the pics – all of you look wonderful. I forget your daughter’s name; she has the sweetest smile and I love the pink glasses. The house is gorgeous. Good for all of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is your old web buddy, Vance. Thank you for sharing. You are such a great lady! Your strength gives me strength. Your courage gives me courage. You write beautifully — which is what I most admire about you. Yes, you need rest, consistent rest, because that’s what refreshes and energizes. BTW . . . I’m originally from PA. I’m proud of you. Onward, my friend!


    1. Oh Vance, I think of you SO often. I miss regularly interacting with you online and your unique presence in my life. I had no idea you were from PA! I love this state so much — it’s been good to me. Thank you for popping over. Are you still blogging? I appreciate you!


  5. I’m still doing a little blogging and posting here and there — but mostly, I’m writing musicals and teaching myself how to play the banjo! I’m exploring my rhythmic roots.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s