monster

April 7, 2018October 11, 2019 ~ katiecoolady ~ 1 Comment

I spent a good six straight hours today, sitting propped up at the laptop, either editing or writing or researching agents or reviewing information for the book. My derriere is killing me! In one of my searches, I ran across this video of the current Assistant Attorney General arguing an appeal for reconsideration by the 9th Circuit of Michael Apelt’s successful grant of a new trial last year. It is stomach turning to listen to the sympathy argued by the other side, now, nearly thirty years later, escalated to claims of his father being a Nazi rapist, Michael being product of a rape, his being tied up and locked in the basement, blah blah blah. I have no doubt that most, if not all, of these “facts” as she states them, came from the murderer himself.

I’m reminded of Jodi Arias–her claims of her victim escalating further and further from anal rape to pedophilia, which all were argued and allowed in court with a straight face. And yet people think these murderers don’t get “fairly treated”. Please.

Pardon the interruption there, I had to go excuse myself to pour a big fat glass of wine to deal with the crap I’ve waded through today. I do like the way the Judges handled the arguments though, for the most part. It was easier watching this, knowing the outcome (appeal overturned). I mean, I could be sitting here right now, knowing that monster was prepping for a new trial, which I would have to sit through and testify at AGAIN. And yes, I did appreciate it greatly when the Judge on the left referred to Michael Apelt as just that: a monster.

I found it interesting that the female Judge (and the one on the left), both indicated that all of these “poor little abused boy” (yes I can say that in quotes because I don’t believe it at all–poverty yes, abuse, no. I mean no one knows what makes a sociopath but I do know plenty of people who grew up with abuse and abject poverty who did not end up plotting to kill people and killing them–my husband for one!–sorry for the long parenthetical comment) arguments can split both ways. Meaning a jury or Judge could see that as evidence of “what created the monster” as that Judge said OR evidence to be more lenient. Nevertheless, the facts remain–the plotting, the execution, the cover up, the brutality. Hard to mitigate, but they sure are trying. What’s next? His Dad killed Jesus?

michaeltriptych

poor little abused monster

So, IF you are so inclined and I know many of you are in terms of viewing legal dynamics, it’s kind of an interesting hour to watch. Here’s the video, direct from Pasadena:

It’s been a super productive day. I’ve not even showered. I woke up thinking it was Saturday and glad I had gathered groceries, as I like staying in here over the weekends when everyone else is out and about. I did my outing last evening, when I went to a new Korean spa and had this oldish Korean woman take out all of her frustrations on my skin during a scrub. Let’s just say, it wasn’t the most pleasant experience I’ve had. I cheated on my regular spa, Olympus, to check out a different one and I regretted it almost immediately. But my skin is super soft nonetheless and it was good to get out, even if it was raining. I picked up some things at an Asian grocery store and made myself a damn good poached cod dinner. Then I slept like a baby. I was so glad to wake up and realize I have one more full day! I’m in Heaven here, literally Heaven.

I poached the beans and oyster mushrooms first in spiced milk, then poached the cod in the same and made a little lemon butter shallot sauce for on top. Yum-it was as good as a restaurant if I do say so myself-and basically a one pot meal! Ok, two.

Ok I’ll leave you with a snippet of some writing I worked on today. I hope it’s not a repeat as I’m doing a ton of editing right now. But anyway, here it is…some hard walks down memory lane. Again, the wine. With dedication to the friend in Santa Barbara who I mention here, who serendipitously called me today wanting to connect.

Cheers.

This was terrifying to me. Cindy was always my rock. I had never seen her like this before for so long. She seemed to be getting worse, instead of better. I’d experienced those feelings myself though, so I knew exactly what she was describing. My own breakdown had snapped me in half three years earlier, and I was only just stabilizing. I’d had a severe panic attack on an airplane headed to visit a friend in Santa Barbara, hoping the trip would cheer me up from a recent hard breakup. Consumed with claustrophobia, I’d demanded to be let off the plane, as it was taxiing toward the runway. In this day and age, I’d be arrested for my behavior, which was completely out of control even to me. I was a psychiatric nurse at the time and had no idea what was happening.

I made it to Santa Barbara but still wasn’t myself. I was also pretending. I found myself walking along the beach with my friend feeling trapped and claustrophobic because there were a few clouds in the sky. It was a terrifying time, which climaxed with the psych nurse being hospitalized in a psych hospital briefly a few months later. It took me several years of all kinds of therapies to work myself out of that nightmare. I knew first hand how these things take time to build, then more time to recover from, but I was still terrified seeing it mirrored in my big sister. I was desperately afraid of losing her, losing her strength. She was my everything.

I had found my footing for the most part by the time Cindy started to tumble, but it was incredibly distressing nonetheless. I had developed some skills by then to help navigate her, and for the first time in our lives, I moved into Big Sister mode.

digging in to the trial

February 21, 2016February 21, 2016 ~ katiecoolady ~ Leave a comment

I woke up from a dream where I left my purse precariously on a table while I went to dance, came back and my wallet, alone, had been opened but all the money and credit cards taken. Then I looked back on the table and there was everything “taken” neatly stacked. I thought “of course it’s still there” then went looking for the rest of my purse and my cellphone. It was a big party so I helped myself to a drink and snack and a dance while Pharell played the drums on the stage – knowing i would find my cellphone.
Went back out to the table where the African ladies were selling their wares – where I’d left it – and of course they had saved my cellphone in their cash lockbox knowing the person would come for it. And I did.

Then I opened the blinds to this vista and to the left clear snowcapped mountains. Life is good.

I started digging in to the trial transcripts yesterday and writing about it. Last year I did mostly reading of the entire trial (and investigation and…) but little writing about it. It’s time.

my living space split in to relaxing and work space

Here is a snippet from last night:

She delivered her opening statement in true Cathy Hughes style with a soft demeanor and clear, organized, detailed information. The jurors hung on her every word.

She began using Michael’s own words from the bizarre message they’d crafted in poorly translated English on Cindy’s answering machine.

“Mr. Villareal, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, hear what I have to talk. I’m going to tell you about the death of Cynthia Estelle Monkman Apelt. She died on December 23, 1988, just two days before Christmas.

She was murdered. She was murdered just one day after a $300,000 life insurance policy insuring her life became effective and just one day after another separate, additional $100,000 life insurance policy was delivered to her home.

She was murdered just one day before she was going to fly to Illinois to spend Christmas with her family. It was also her intent during that trip to discuss the insurance policies with her father.

She was murdered by her husband, by this man who is sitting right here with earphones on. His name is Michael Apelt.”

Then from my father’s testimony:

Q: When was the next time that you heard anything about Cindy?

A: We.., we talked to Kathy early the next morning and she had not heard from her and could not contact her. And then I tried to call her at home.

My father went on to explain how he’d left a message that morning.

Cathy took him right after that in to funeral arrangements, Michael and Rudi attending the funeral and their behavior. She finished her examination of my father showing him a photograph of Cindy asking him if he could identify the person in the picture.

A: Yes, I can. That’s Cindy.

Q: And is that how Cindy looked around the time she died?

A: The last I saw her she did, yes, uh-huh.

on a break yesterday I painted some highlights in to my hair — kitchen beautician style

And now something from my writing this morning:

I thought carefully about what to wear that day. Not because I had not seen Michael Apelt in a year and a half, not because I was going to perform a serious task in a crowded courtroom. Not because I would be photographed. I considered this decision for one reason: the jury. I knew that I was the closest possible opportunity for them to see Cindy alive and that I would be, at least in some of their minds, a representation of her.
I knew that the defense would, at least on some level, be smearing her reputation via their client. He had already doled out statements in interviews that my sister was entangled with Drug Lords, that she had been a serious drug user including injecting herself and that she had basically been a slut before marrying him. I knew the truth and needed to represent her as she was—an educated, clean cut professional raised humbly in an upper middle class home.
I chose an outfit from the Units collection that was popular in the 80’s– tunics, skirts and slacks with wide elasticized gathers of fabric that scrunched at the waist. We all had them. I chose my pink top, periwinkle blue skirt and patterned cummerbund with simple grey pumps. I wore my shoulder length blond hair down and lightly curled with my usual bangs. It was important to me to look professional yet approachable and attractive and modern, just as Cindy was. I finished my look with a pair of handmade ceramic blue and grey earrings I’d gifted Cindy from an art fair.
As I applied my makeup that morning I thought “well this mascara won’t make it through the day”.
I walked in to the courtroom following my parents’ testimony shoulders back, chin high and felt my serious but not angry or afraid demeanor. I glanced briefly at Michael Apelt looking very different than the last time I’d seen him, was sworn in and took the witness stand. I wasn’t afraid. I had a job to do and I was ready to do it.

(as a footnote I will add, compared to today’s trials such as the absolute worst, the smearing of victim Travis Alexander, trashing of my sister’s name was very mild. That behavior has escalated out of control now — victim blaming/trashing–and something I’d like to be involved in doing something about–my sister’s killers were allowed very little leeway in this regard in trial which is how it SHOULD BE)

And now, back at it. Hope you are all enjoying a beautiful Sunday.

diving in

February 20, 2016February 20, 2016 ~ katiecoolady ~ Leave a comment

Happy Saturday Morning from the gorgeous Northwest! A beautiful sunny day here to wake up to after an interrupted night of sleeping. I crashed at around 11:30 reading Juan Martinez’ book in bed and I guess it was haunting me as I woke up again at around 3:30 and read more for another couple of hours then crashed again until 9. That’s the beauty of being on no one’s time but your own, you can do these kinds of things and not bat an eye. I kind of like being up in the middle of the night when the world is dark and silent anyway, speaking of bats. 😉

A passage in Juan’s book really struck me so I dog-eared it to share here:

“The highlight of the 48 Hours interview was the assertion that she intended to take the witness stand and testify at trial. That told me that she was confident in her public speaking abilities and that she believed she was persuasive enough to make the charges go away just by telling her story. She was masterful in front of the camera, playing the part of someone who couldn’t have committed this murder. The way she could look straight at the camera lens and answer the interviewer’s questions with apparent sincerity was impressive. She clearly wasn’t going to be intimidated.

“I don’t believe that I am going to be convicted, she confidently told 48 Hours Maureen Maher, just as she had advised the interviewer from Inside Edition. “I don’t think that I’m going to spend one day in prison.”

I guess this stuck out to me so distinctly because of what I’m reading on our own trials. I spent much of yesterday combing through the extra materials I’d picked up at Cathy Hughes’ before driving up here. I had two full boxes from last year but thought I’d just take a look. She was kind to remove any terrible photographs that I might inadvertently run in to.

I was shocked to see how lucky I was in what I grabbed because I opened one file that contained two kind of brief packets of interviews (I have thousands of pages of interviews). In that folder I found something I’d really wanted to lay my eyes on: the actual interviews at the time when both the men were arrested. I jumped to the end to see what this was because frankly I don’t have the time or interest in reading more of their made up bullshit that is in every interview for the two weeks prior to their arrest. The one that really steamed me was the German speaking burglary detective brought in for translation who clearly had sympathy for them and even put in his own personal observation that all three of the killing trio were telling the truth (he had to eat those words pretty quickly, but still).

It was fascinating to read the trap that was set for each of the brothers as the detective make a sharp about face in the curiosity portion of the questioning to the accusing portion.

Like Arias though, especially with Michael who I believe was always the mastermind and true malignant sociopath, they both didn’t flinch. Michael was cocky,demanding to be arrested so he could speak with a Judge who would most certainly agree and set him free. The arrogance oozes off the page as their violence is shoved in their faces and never ceases even when they are handcuffed. Since that day 1/6/1989, neither has seen the light of day outside incarceration. Good. That is satisfying also to reflect on.

I’ve said this before and will again: SOCIOPATHS ARE NOT EASY TO PROSECUTE. Even seasoned prosecutors like Martinez and Cathy Hughes say that and they aren’t kidding or exaggerating!

They almost and do get away with murder! Murder convictions are hard fought and that is all over Martinez’ book as he prepared for this trial. So when people talk about how the “government” has all the cards and blah blah blah it slays me. Death penalty cases are the hardest–high profile the most arduous ! It is NOT easy to get a sophisticated killer their just sentence for many reasons not the least of which, their lack of conscience and really emotion or fear at all, makes them very formidable all the way up to the handcuffs (and beyond which you will read in my book).

cindytravis

It’s so fascinating to be reading Martinez’ book along side these twenty five plus year old documents though. So much is written about diagnosing personality disorders and when you start to compare them to each other it’s like they were molded from the same cookie cutter–their methods and robotic ways of being coupled with high degrees of intelligence and sophistication. Yet 18 years post conviction, we taxpayers spent over 10 million dollars for their supporters to attempt to prove Cindy’s killers are mentally retarded. Mark my words, had Jodi Arias received the death penalty, we’d be paying for that argument for her too somewhere down the line. But I digress…more on that topic to come.

I’m finally kicking in to productivity-have an appointment with my writing coach and editor next week up by the Canada border so I’ll get to take a little road trip, moved my desk space around and created a new more ergonomic setup which I love, copied some pictures of Cindy from my printer to have around me (can’t believe I forgot those unless they are in one of my boxes I’ve not dug through yet), listened to some Juan Martinez interviews online (Vinnie Politan’s is the best), read and reworked several of my chapters to send to the editor, read several hundred pages of documents and managed to make myself a delicious dinner in my kitchenette. Oh and I also changed the font on this blog as people were having a hard time reading it–is this better? I have a huge screen so kind of hard for me to tell. Please let me know if I need to tweak it again as that’s so frustrating!

It’s Saturday and gorgeous outside so I’m guessing most of this area is just that–outside. Which makes me think other than taking a little walk later, I’ll stay in and on my groove today. I have everything I need and mostly this view.

Yes I’m reading Juan’s book kind of slowly on purpose. It’s become a security blanket for me in an odd way. I’m feeling a camaraderie with Juan while reading it as I dive in the same darkness and remotely, he’s supporting me through his book. Most of you know I’ve met Juan Martinez many times and he’s been nothing but kind and warm to me as well as genuinely interested in me and our case. I have a special place in my heart for him. He’s one of the good guys.

sociopathic cross

February 19, 2016February 21, 2016 ~ katiecoolady ~ 2 Comments

Good morning from Edmonds. It’s a beautiful drizzly day here today. Most people don’t understand why anyone would love a rainy day, people from the Northwest anyway. In Arizona we have sunshine most days of the year. We crave clouds and precipitation. I’d be ok with it if it rained here most days this month. It also keeps me cozy inside and helps motivate me to work.

I hit the ground running last year but this time it’s different. I’m a little resistant and sluggish. So I decided to work at my pace and by that I mean get something accomplished each day but it doesn’t always have to be writing. I’ve got lots of reading and researching yet to do.

Yesterday afternoon, I made it through the entire cross examination of Michael Apelt by the brilliant Cathy Hughes. I wish I could put the entire 128 pages in my book, it’s that stunning to read in terms of her skill as a cross examiner. I recently had lunch with Cathy and she said that was really what she felt was her greatest skill as an attorney. I’d agree.

It’s hard to pin down a sociopath. They will be slipperier than you could ever imagine or foresee. You kind of catch them more in hindsight and distance with some reflection. That was certainly clear with Cindy. He had her in his sights from Day One (as well as numerous other women) so he started the gaming then. She was questioning things but privately in her diary. With him, she was like a little wooden marionette and he was pulling the strings. I remember feeling scared and annoyed at the time when I saw her act like that. I had absolutely no idea what she, or we, were dealing with. Now when I see that kind of glazed over behavior with someone who is in a new relationship–not the in love glaze–the sort of masked affect and tension beneath the surface trying not to be seen kind of glaze, I feel very triggered. I want to yank them as far away from that person as possible.

The truth is though, there are all kinds of personality disordered people out there–from Narcissists to full blow Sociopaths–and the vast majority are not plotting to kill anyone. Many are just playing in the power fields and enjoying the games of manipulation. When something this drastic has happened in your life, one of many legacies left is a state of over reaction to this kind of behavior. Try dating in that kind of swamp. It was pure Hell.

Ok, back to the cross examination. I wore out a highlighter yesterday marking lines. I will share now one of many many exchanges between Cathy Hughes and Michael Apelt that are just mind blowing. It reminds me so much of Jodi Arias on the stand squirming and wiggling under the direct laser of Juan Martinez. Now Cathy’s style is much softer and less aggressive. Imagine as you read this, a very feminine woman with a pleasant face and smile, wearing my sister’s earrings, gradually gaining speed in her cadence but not raising her voice much as she nails this killer to his own cross.

This particular passage has to do with the alibi he’d established at a restaurant/bar (the one where he met Cindy)–going there for Happy Hour and tipping $7 on a $3 beer to be remembered, slipping out to kill Cindy, then returning and “waiting for her” to show up then finally enjoying a post kill celebratory dinner with his killing companions using her credit card.This is about the various stories he told about what he did during the time he thought she was “missing” (7ish to 10pm) and how his behavior didn’t quite line up along with stories he told from jail to another woman he was still manipulating. Sociopaths never get normal human behavior quite right so there is often a lot of cleanup and explanation making on the other end. We saw this for 18 days with Jodi Arias on the stand, this exact cut-from-the-same-sociopathic-cloth style of excuse making.

Q: For three Hours you were in there, in Bobby McGees?

A: I don’t know about the time. All I know is that I called at 10:00 because I didn’t know what was going on. Cindy hadn’t come.

Q: And you left a message on the machine?

A: No. I hate messages on the answering machine.

Q: You have had several conversations with Kea Amara since you have been in the jail isn’t that true Mr. Apelt?

A: That is true.

Q: And you told her on more than one occasion that you left a message on the machine, isn’t that true?

A: Sometimes I don’t understand Kea on the telephone and sometimes I may give wrong answers when I talk to her.

Q: Didn’t you tell her that you left a message and you said, “Wife, wife are you there? Pick up, pick up.”?

A: Sometimes when I talk to her it was people who are so loud in the background that sometimes I gave her wrong answers when I talked to her.

Q: Did you say that or not Mr. Apelt?

A: I cannot remember.

Q: You know that the conversations are tape recorded don’t you Mr. Apelt?

A: That is true. I had learned that later.

Q: And you have copies of those tapes, don’t you?

A: That is true.

Q: And you have read them,have you not?

A: Yes.

Q: And isn’t it on the transcript that that is what you told her?

A: That is true, but as I already said, there were several conversations where I didn’t understand because on the telephone it’s very difficult for me to maintain and English conversation.

Q: But you did tell her that, didn’t you Mr. Apelt?

A: Yes, I agree.

He used this “I don’t understand English well” excuse over and over, both in his manipulations of Cindy and during the investigation/trial. Yet in another cross examination, using a German interpreter, (which he requested) he answers quickly and accurately in English admitting he has a hard time responding in German now as it’s become his second language. Just after claiming he doesn’t understand English very well. It’s mind numbing the loopdeloo’s they take people on. If it’s not recorded in real time you can see how one would question if they just didn’t hear what they said correctly. This is the sociopaths’ greatest weapon–disarming honest people with their ability to reconstruct reality moment by moment–usually playing victim at the same time demanding their prey take responsibility. This is exactly what we saw between Travis Alexander and Jodi Arias.

This dynamic is all over Cindy’s journal and in conversations she had with me. By that time she was a bug caught in his web and any way she tried to free herself got her stuck even deeper. And her one secret weapon she couldn’t access at the time was her own screaming intuition that knew something was wrong. Which he wiped out with his huge bear claw of words each and every time. Pretty astounding for someone who claimed they didn’t have good command of the English language.

And my sister was smart. Not all his women were, like Kea Amara, but my sister was.

She was smart but vulnerable and one open crack is all they need to slip through.

beginning again

February 18, 2016February 18, 2016 ~ katiecoolady ~ 12 Comments

Today is my first day since arriving in Edmonds of really beginning this book project. My husband graciously drove me here from Arizona (yes he did 100% of the driving as I ~~relaxed~~ co-piloted) and with one fun overnight in Portland for a Portlandia style Valentine’s Day, we basically high-tailed it up here. Gorgeous scenery by the way through Utah and Idaho–States I’d not visited before except SLC briefly as a child. My thoughtful husband even had roses delivered to our table at the restaurant unbeknownst to me–actually I didn’t even realize he knew the name of the restaurant as I’d made the reservations. A fun tapas place showcased on the crazy show Portlandia.

We rested a day and a half here in Edmonds going to see The Revenant (!!!) and eating Oprah’s favorite fried chicken, then John left yesterday to fly back to PA and for me to begin this writing journey again.

I’m here for 4 solid weeks this time so can work at a more organized and leisurely pace as I truly feel confident I can complete the major parts of writing this book now. Editing will come later but the vast materials I am sifting through and the organizing/writing part will be doable. I’m also working with a writing coach/editor this time and will be sending out some proposals. Wish me luck.

With the luxury of more time, I decided to start with reading Juan Martinez’ book about convicting Jodi Arias. As I sat in that courtroom nearly every day with the family, this case is near and dear to my heart. I’ll ease in to the horror of our own case through his story telling of that one. Ironically his book was released the day I arrived here so I had it sent to me in WA. Per my plan I woke up before the crack of dawn this morning and began reading by the dim light of my cozy studio.

The sociopathy of Jodi Arias is so astounding and mind boggling as I read it described again through Martinez’ words. Her initial interview, which I’d watched on video many times, still blows me away. “Seamless” is such a perfect word he chooses to describe her velvety style of moving from story to story manipulated to defend herself while showing absolutely zero sign of anxiety. THAT my friends is a hallmark of sociopathy. And, I believe, evil manifested in this world. No shame, no remorse, no guilt, no fear.

I was also struck by the things Arias was interested in during the initial interviews. She desperately wanted to see crime scene photos and to know how Travis’ family was doing.

I believe Arias is far more dangerous than most killers including the Apelts for one reason: she took pleasure in the killing of Travis and by proxy the pain she inflicted on his family. She was demonstrating that from day one. I think she got a taste for that power and pleasure in killing and was setting off at her arrest toward her next victim with her newly purchased gun and two knives. I believe she was a budding serial killer aborted by her arrest. I just wonder who she was headed for next and also wonder if Martinez has speculated on that. Who do you think she was headed for with her concealed weapons when she was arrested?

yes those are the roses my husband had sent to our table

I’m about a third of the way through the book and may make more notes as I go along. The sun came up and I needed a break. It’s very heavy material. I’ll continue to make notes here on it as I go along.

In addition to Martinez’ book, I had some other documents delivered to me here. One key piece of documentation was missing from all the case files I brought with me last time which was Michael Apelt’s testimony. Like Arias, it’s stunning in its display of sociopathy so for the book I have to get the exact quotes. It will leave your jaw dropping as it did all of us in the courtroom that day. Sociopaths think they can convince people by making up reality moment by moment as they go along. The sad thing is this does work for them much of the time. They will use terms like “you heard me wrong” or “you are making that up” or “that’s not what I said” when confronted on their indiscrepancies and move, seamlessly as Martinez notes, to their next oleaginous fabricated stories. This process is confusing to most people but not to seasoned prosecutors like Martinez and our Cathy Hughes. They are expecting and waiting for it. Martinez was doing this research on her from Day One which is what is required. Sociopaths are generally the best at this game in town so it’s challenging to keep up with their slippery maneuvers.

I’ll get to this file likely tomorrow. I have to be ready to open it all up again but will likely start there, the newest material I have. Plus I have to pick up some more highlighter pens today as I forgot mine ;).

The weather here is partly cloudy and gorgeous. I love it. I feel so peaceful here as I gaze out at the Puget Sound and breathe this lovely humid air.

I’m for the most part alone here, as planned, so it helps to know you are all out there reading as I go along. For some reason, this is hurting my heart more to go in to this time than it did last time. Maybe it’s because I know what’s in there. Maybe because I’m thinking of Travis and his family. Maybe because this is just all part of the healing through writing for me.

Thanks for being there. ❤

Lucky

March 17, 2015March 17, 2015 ~ katiecoolady ~ 3 Comments

Happy St. Patrick’s Day out there! I had my celebration over the last two nights with my brother as I made a delicious (I must say) corned beef dinner in the crock pot. We shared it two nights in a row and watched our favorite TV show “Chopped” and also saw Birdman (which I thought was brilliant and want to see it again) and Sleepless in Seattle.

My Dad is gone for a couple of months so I’ve been spending more time with Alfonse, going out to eat and a movie (we saw Into the Woods which was stellar!), and basically just hanging out. He has been doing well for the most part and busy with his various activities at his mental health center, his personal trainer, the Chorus and now he’s been assigned a counselor from a local University who he really likes.

I’ve not been working on the book because I’ve been busy with other things and my writing has been primarily on the end of the Jodi Arias ~~fiasco~~ trial. If you haven’t and want to check out any of my posts about the Juror 17 scandal there are are few on the other blog www.twoinnocents.com.

I’m getting my ducks in a row to head out to PA to spend two weeks with my love, writing and hanging out together (and getting a marriage license for our upcoming wedding–not this trip though). Very exciting!

I had to go to the Courthouse Public Records division to unearth a copy of my prehistoric divorce decree from almost 2 decades ago. Since it required a full on archeological dig, I had to go back twice to pick up the papers.

Picture this: a busy government office where you pull a number and look up your case (if you’re lucky to get one of the computer terminals that someone else isn’t monopolizing or doesn’t have an Out of Order sign on it) then wait for the half hour or whatever listening for numbers to be called.

They had a system that jumped from letters M – R as far as I could tell like M114 and P479. I pulled R444 the first time I went and I only remember this as the system called me to a window and an older lady was already sitting there. My number was flashing over her window but she already had someone there who showed her number which was R442 so I knew she was ahead of me. I said that (“she’s ahead of me so I’ll wait”) and the worker said “just have a seat in that chair and I”ll get to you next”. I struck up a conversation with the nice lady waiting who was also getting her divorce papers but hers were from 1983. They also required a Fred Flintstone intervention and we laughed about that. She was getting hers to prove something related to her current spouse’s social security benefits. Such entirely different reasons to be there.

It was going to take about an hour so I elected to split and come back later in the week which I did. Lo and behold, in this busy office with many people seeking passports, marriage licenses and other records, I went up to the number generating machine and pulled…you guessed it…R444 AGAIN.

(you know I love my signs)

I literally turned around and flashed my number to the various people sitting there sharing “OMG I got this exact number last time I was here!”. I couldn’t hold it in.

My papers were waiting for me so it was lickety split I was out of there and what a weird walk down memory lane seeing bills we had and things we split up and how we did it. I barely remembered that other life. I’m so grateful it was amicable.

I’m equally grateful that my fiance John’s divorce was amicable as well. I’m not walking in to a mine field. They have a young daughter so have to negotiate that of course and it’s so easy compared to other situations I’ve either been involved with or witnessed. He’s an easy going guy so it fits…still what a relief.

So now my dress is being made, our wedding arrangements are set, our mini honeymoon plans are made (super psyched–simple but fun) and our custom made rings are in progress. It’s very exciting!

I’ll pick up writing the book some this weekend as I head to Sedona with Alfonse for a long weekend (I left all those records up there) and then intensely over those two weeks in PA. What a wonderful thing to be marrying a fellow writer. We will write side by side in his cozy rural home.

I told him I have two goals–cooking and writing. I want to show off my home cooking for him and that is a nice way to be creative for me. I can’t wait. I love him so much.

That’s it for now. Just a little catch up.

Hope you all out there feel as lucky as I do today.

value

February 28, 2015February 28, 2015 ~ katiecoolady ~ 3 Comments

My sister’s murderers were convicted of premeditated first degree felony murder with three aggravating circumstances of cruel, heinous and depraved and sentenced to death in Arizona in 1990.

Their accomplice who also conspired with them and was present at the time of Cindy’s death, who could have intervened, who enjoyed a celebratory dinner with the murderers on Cindy’s credit card shortly after stabbing and nearly decapitating her, was granted immunity for her testimony and walks free in Germany. We the People paid for her lodging and living expenses for over a year before the trial came to court. She, like the murderers, never paid one dime in to American tax coffers.

Both brothers, although sentenced to death over two decades ago, remain alive. Both have drained both AZ and Federal taxpayers of tens of millions of dollars in avoiding their fate. One was released from death row being deemed “mentally retarded” after 17 years and as soon as the Supreme Court issued a ruling we can’t execute the “mentally retarded”. Cindy’s name, nor her murder, were barely mentioned in court in that lengthy hearing to determine his new sentence.

The murderers while on death row were afforded support ads that read like singles ads soliciting penpals, wives and money. In one of them is a photo of the man who slit her throat holding her puppy. Years after he was released from Death Row and in to General Population, his ad was still online purporting he was still on Death Row. They are seen as victims and the true, innocent victim gets forgotten.

We the People deem this an ok evolution for the worst of the worst in our society. The ones we’ve created the ultimate punishment for receive the best legal assistance we have to offer. And we pay for it. It’s a lucrative business for many death penalty opponents who make money off this passionate issue while torturing surviving victims of families along the way, dragging them back to court to relive the crime decades later, accosting them in their own homes, being abusive to them in cross examinations.

And We the People deem this an ok policy because we turn a blind eye. We think once a trial ends the suffering is over for the family. It is just beginning with the Death Penalty. In some cases, such as our own, that’s when families are preyed upon most viciously. I believe this is for one major reason: no one is watching at that point except those who care about the murderers.

Picture my elderly father and I sitting alone in a courtroom day after day while attorneys filled the side behind the murderer as we listened to arguments championing feeling sorry for them–the men who conspired to kill my sister for one reason: money. The men who took her to the desert on December 23 with promises of a “surprise” which ended up being a knife and the fists of two 6’7″ and 6’5″ vicious murderers who beat her, stabbed her repeatedly and nearly cut her head off. For her body to be found the next day on Christmas Eve.

Yet death penalty opponents find ways to make US, her family, somehow responsible for the “suffering” of her killers. Try winding your way through that system when all the support and all the attention has waned from a high profile case as ours was. This exact treatment will happen to the family members of Travis Alexander should Jodi Arias receive the one and only punishment her crime deserves under the law: Death.

The paltry few hundred dollars allocated to our family for counseling and lost wages to attend the trial dried up long before our trials were over yet I’ve continued to support her murderers through both my federal and state contributions. Not just their living expenses mind you. their MILLIONS of dollars in legal fees over the years. And I’ve not received one dime from those monies for my time testifying, lost wages or God forbid any counseling support I’ve paid out of pocket dealing with the unending trauma the system has levied at me.

Just think about this. Please, just think about it is all I ask.

What do we value? Why do we deem this use of our own resources on our worst of the worst appropriate and necessary in the name of “fairness”?

What do you think is fair?

quick follow up – signs

February 27, 2015February 27, 2015 ~ katiecoolady ~ 7 Comments

I spent 3 hours this morning diving in to my past and in to the present with thoughts of the death penalty here in Arizona, my sister’s homicide and the Jodi Arias trial.

John, my fiance and I are attending the Sedona Film Festival right now and have signed up for so many films we don’t really keep track day to day of what we see.

Imagine my surprise ~~shock~~ when we walked in to our double feature today with the theme not just around prison/prisoners but about Death Row and the Arizona State Prison specifically.

The first film we saw was a short film, very well done, about a condemned inmate’s last meal. It was called Meat and Potatoes (linked there) and I have to say, although done with a compassionate spirit about a death row inmate being served his last meal, it truly touched my heart.

The second longer documentary was A Place to Stand (linked there) about Jimmy Santiago Baca and his journey to poetry through, you guessed it, his time served in the AZ State Prison. There were scenes and descriptions of Cell Block 6 there which is literally the first cell block where Cindy’s killers were incarcerated in 1990. Talk about surreal.

John kept holding me tight and squeezing my hands whispering “are you ok?” and “do you want to leave?” because of course he knew what I’d been writing about all morning. One of the many blessings of having a caring loving Psychologist in my life–he’s so supportive.

I was proud of myself that I was able to appreciate these films with no malice in my heart considering all the other things I was contemplating today. I truly was able to embrace their themes of healing and compassion. I do believe that those attitudes are important in this world. My path related to these issues is a different road, at least right now. But I’m glad I have a heart of compassion in general that still beats strongly on these subjects so injected deeply in to my own heart.

I felt a huge weight in my chest, but I stayed through both movies and shared appreciation to the film maker of how they touched me. All of this, to me, is a sign of my healing and I’m very pleased about that.

But really, talk about signs. Damn, I don’t know that I know totally what that was about but wow, it sure got my attention.

Disappointed the jury did not reach a verdict today and found I needed a nap this afternoon to kind of process all of these things, including this space of limbo. And my heart continues to open wide to the Alexanders and all of Travis’ loved ones tonite and will continue sending love and healing until this verdict comes in.

I love you all out there for reading and sharing. I feel very connected.

Day 18 – day’s end

February 6, 2015February 6, 2015 ~ katiecoolady ~ 4 Comments

I’m glad I went out last night. It was nice to just get dressed and put on makeup and go somewhere. I’ve become so dialed down now in comparison to my usual life that one outing seems like a big deal. It would be nothing for me to go out to dinner/shopping/a movie and work my day job in one day at home. I’m not that person up here and I like it.

I wanted to try out this restaurant right on the Sound called Anthony’s and they have a pretty good Happy Hour that I got in on so had a Cosmo and a couple of pretty large appetizers and sat and watched the ferries come and go twinkling along the water. I know for some those ferries are just a commute but for me, they are pure romance. I keep seeing this story in my mind, a romance, highlighting this ferry riding life. I was thinking maybe it would be a project John and I might work on together. He’s writing a screenplay right now so knows a lot, a whole lot about that process. I’ll take him on the ferry next week and see if he gets bit by the same bug as me.

I woke up early this morning feeling like it was Christmas morning for some reason. I was just completely psyched for my day. Another gorgeous rainy day with the door open to the Sound, the heat turned off and the fireplace going. I love it. Fresh and cozy.

I ended up following, on twitter, another day in the Arias trial which seems to be unsurprisingly imploding for the defense. Demarte was still on the stand and held up well to some ridiculous grilling by Jodi’s defense attorney Kirk Nurmi. It all just fell down a rabbit hole in to ridiculousness.

Speaking of that, I was voice-noting with John all day and we fell in to one of our famous personas with accents and started leaving these crazy redneck messages for each other. Jethro and Katie-Jo. I had to save one where he is laughing uncontrollably in this high pitched squeal, unable to speak, it had me doing the same. We have so much fun together. It’s such a great element in a relationship to have: humor.

In the midst of all of that, I wrote THREE , count em THREE chapters today. I was on a roll. And I’m not finished. I will likely write a fourth yet and maybe a fifth. It’s that kind of day.

view from my writing/reading perch today

And, in the middle of all that, my host came down bringing me a Bride magazine (which I intend to browse once I’m finished writing this..awwww) and invitation for Happy Hour tomorrow night! Yay! I have three dates this weekend, the other two with readers out there who live in the area. How cool is that?

Ok, here are a couple of excerpts from today’s writing in no particular order. It will give you an idea about what theme I’m on though.

“When I arrived in the back room, the three of them were lined up like a trio of hear no evil speak no evil see no evil Teutonic monkeys in chairs all in a row as the minister discussed the service. I sat across the room from them glaring at each one.

None of them looked up at me. I had just met Rudi the one time at Bobby McGees, never met Anke and of course had a few encounters with Michael. They surely knew who I was.
After the instruction period was over I stood up and walked to the murder trio like some kind of reverse reception line of evil and extended my hand to each one with one intention. I want you to look in my eyes and you will know I know. I stared at each of their eyes and only Anke looked up at me, tearfully. I glared straight in to her face “I know what you did and you are not getting away with it” was what flew out of my gaze. I hope she caught it.”

then:

“Once there, they immediately checked her answering machine tape to make sure the message had recorded properly and just as quickly Michael phoned the Mesa Police Department demanding to speak with Detective Ron Davis. In an excited seemingly terrified voice he shared that a message had come in to Cindy’s machine and that they were being threatened. Detective Davis asked them to bring the tape in to the police station and that’s what they did.
This act was the beginning of the end for the Apelts and Anke. There was absolutely zero doubt on all of the investigators’ minds that these con artists were the people who killed Cindy. The web was getting narrower and tighter all around them, while they believed they were successfully pulling of their scheme.”

finally:

“Of course Detective Davis knew this was an entirely bogus claim as the apartment was being watched intensively by a team of officers out of their Department.
He passed the information on to Mark Jones who said “let’s go pick them up”.
Davis then offered to come and get the three killers and give them a ride to the police station under the guise that they wanted to get more information about these “threats”. They all three went along willingly in the same car with hopes that their confiscated passports would be returned and they’d be released from any suspicion as was their plan.
Mark Jones however had other ideas for all three of them and it did not involve any of them seeing the light of freedom anytime soon once he got them in the car enroute to downtown Mesa.
At the station, he immediately split up the brothers tossing each of them separately in two interview rooms. Rudi’s interrogation was handled by Ron Davis and Chris Wesbrock who was still working the case. Mark Jones decided to take on Michael.”

And on that note, I’m jumping off murder and in to weddings and hopefully some mindless TV tonite or a good movie on Netflix.

As always, thanks for reading and for coming along for the ride. I feel like I’m not alone in this and it feels very comforting.

Day 17 – twilight

February 5, 2015February 5, 2015 ~ katiecoolady ~ 6 Comments

Greetings from another gloriously grey day here in Edmonds. Coming from the Valley of the Sun I welcome each and every one of these cloudy days. I saw a huge barge slowly floating down the Sound this morning. The land of green and clouds and water. I love it and fit right in here. Maybe I will live here one day. Well I’m living here right now!

I spent much of the day glued to the tweets coming in off the Arias trial and the stellar Dr. Janeen Demarte still on the stand. I also spent about three hours working on my betrothed’s new blog. He’s started up a new business and we’ve been crafting his site together. I spent so many hours and hours learning this WordPress system that what took me three hours would have likely taken him three days. It’s a fun creative project for me and we work very well together even though technology can be incredibly maddening sometimes, esp for a novice like me/us. I have the time and a bit of knowledge now so I was happy to help him and it was yet another little test of our compatibility. We tend to fall back on laughter when stress comes at us–a great coping mechanism in a relationship that just comes naturally for us two. So grateful.

On the lunch break, I read Cathy Hughes’ opening statement from the first trial–Michael’s. Reading that while following the Arias tweets was an interesting contrast. I can’t say enough how fortunate we were to get her as our prosecutor. I’ve just never seen anyone like her in action. I’ll tell the magical story of how she “accidentally” fell in to our case in the book. As you can imagine it had it’s twists and turns on the path of magic that landed her in our laps.

I want to share some excerpts from her amazing opening statement so you know what I mean before I lose the natural light coming in and before I take myself out for dinner and a movie. I need a little outing.

From Cathy’s opening:

“Yesterday, I remember when we were picking you as jurors, early on in the selection process there was some humor, there was some spontaneous joking and laughter, and that was good, that was really good, because it sort of eases the tension and the stress that everybody feels when they are involved in a case such as this.

But I noticed something yesterday. I noticed that as each of your names were finally called and as each of you realized that you would become involved in this case to decide the case, that each of you understood the seriousness and the importance of what we’re about to do.

It was almost–when Mrs. Johnson read to you the document that charges that defendant with murder and conspiracy to commit first degree murder, it was almost as though we were in a church.

And this is a very serious and a very important matter. And I’m sure that you all understand that as in all of the serious and important things that we do in our life, we take our time and we try to do them right. And I’m sure that you’ll understand that.”

then:

“It’s been explained to me by someone older and wiser that if you had to put the devil on trial, you’d have to go to Hell for your witnesses.

And in this case we went to Anke Dorn. We had to promise her that if she would tell the truth, that she would not go to jail.

And so I’m telling you right up front, so that you won’t be surprised, if Anke Dorn tells the truth in this courtroom over the next couple of weeks, she won’t go to jail. “

Then :

“On December 26th, 1988 Cindy was in the morgue ready to be autopsied. And you’ll never guess where he was. You might expect that he would be mourning with her friends.

Do you want to know where he was? He was at the office of his insurance agent.”

And finally,

“And I’m going to ask you to convict him. I’m to ask you to go back in the jury room, look at the evidence, and then I’m going to ask you to come back and to look him straight in the eye and to say ‘Michael Apelt, you are guilty of first degree murder and Michael Apelt, you are guilty of conspiracy to commit first degree murder.”

Boom.

And on that note, I’m gonna dress, finally, put on makeup and a presentable outfit and head out in to the world.

I love you all for caring.

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middle child

I am a middle child sandwiched between homicide and schizophrenia. This is our true story.

Travis Alexander