speak

November 20, 2022 ~ katiecoolady ~ 2 Comments

You can have crawled through your own fires of Hell, created a beautiful wonderful current life, and still be sharing about what you recovered from for your own reasons, that you don’t need to explain. This does not mean you are “stuck” or “unhealed” (although you can be, fires of Hell can sometimes take a lifetime of continual healing).

You can also choose to be silent about what you went through, which does not mean you haven’t dealt with it. It’s just your way. Both are valid.

I’ve said before, you can have been victimized, but not make your entire identity as “victim” in the way people will criticize others for.

Living your best life, while speaking out about what you survived and continue to survive, can be occurring simultaneously.

For some, it’s hard to hear the voice of your trauma for their own reasons. For others, it’s the life raft they need to keep going. Yet, it’s ok to speak and keep speaking for yourself, knowing it’s part of your own healing path. When your words fall in the right place to help someone else, well that’s a bonus.

I once described my speaking out about a particular issue as a “splinter in my soul” that needed to dislodge in that way. I was asked to erase my words, which to me meant re-inserting that splinter that was already out. Why would I do that to myself?

With that being said, if you are called to tell your story, tell it. If you feel pressured to tell it, but prefer to keep it private, do that for yourself. Let your own needs for the telling/not telling be your compass.

I’ve moved in to what I believe are the best years of my whole life now, because I’ve spoken and re-spoken on certain things. I’m clearing myself. And it’s reinforcing that others find inspiration in watching me rise.

With all that being said, I’m hoping my words from a seven hour interview are cut and strung together tonight in a way that match my intent. And that they tell Cindy’s story with respect and understanding. I liked this production crew (British) and think they are keeping respecting her at the forefront. I felt that from the beginning. And they didn’t even try to reach out to the killers. This is more about Cindy’s story.

I’ve been invited to a Q and A discussion about the episode tomorrow night on Youtube with a true crime channel who I greatly admire. She chooses to maintain her anonymity for her own reasons, which I also greatly admire. She simply goes by the name Fanci Fiction and I think she’s brilliant, so am honored she invited me on for this.

Here is the link for that live broadcast which will be at 7pm EST tomorrow (Monday).

In the first comment below I’ll place a link for places you can catch the episode tonight at 9pm EST. Again it’s the show American Monster on the Investigation Discovery channel. Also on the Discovery Plus app.

I appreciate you tuning in for Cindy’s story. There will be video and audio and photos you’ve never seen before.

I appreciate all of you who still remember and care about our sister, who we will never, ever forget.

updates

November 7, 2022November 7, 2022 ~ katiecoolady ~ 3 Comments

yesterday was my birthday, so I treated myself to a ride on the ferry to get a crepe across the way

Sharing a snippet today detailing a piece on one of dozens of cons the Apelt brothers pulled off while in the Phoenix area for that brief three months before killing Cindy. From telegrams announcing each others’ deaths to glean money, to stealing cash, to constant stories about their wealth and snafus getting it, they got thousands of dollars in a short time.

But before, that, in other news, another TV program is doing a show on Cindy. They approached me last Spring about it and explained it is a victim-centric show, diving in to who the victim was and detailing their life. Since that is also the theme of my book, it resonated with me, although I think this show has a pretty awful name: American Monster.

The show will air on the Investigation Discovery Network on Sunday Nov. 20, at 9pm EST. Most channel lineups have this channel. It will also be available on the Discovery Plus app. after that.

They interviewed me for about seven hours, asking detailed questions about our upbringing, Cindy’s life/education/jobs/relationships/travel on and on…

They also interviewed Cathy Hughes, our prosecutor and Ron Davis, one of the detectives. As well as some of Cindy’s friends.

Once again I went on an odyssey of discovery of videos and photos to use. In 1988 times were different without cell phones or even many home video cameras, so it is limited. So we will see what they piece together.

We can join together to discuss the next day if you want.

So that’s that.

Now here is my snippet for today:

During the few hours the brothers stayed at the Rubenstein home, they convinced Cher and her husband that they had been robbed of five thousand dollars from their hotel room the day before. Rudi was still maintaining they were in the wind surfing business and Michael claimed they worked for the MARS Corporation. Cher testified that she believed they worked for the corporation that made the Mars candybar. She filed a report with the Mesa Police Department the following day to report the “robbery”, but they declined to pursue it.

“They said they were very rich,” she testified.

A few evenings later, Cher went to dinner with the brothers alone, where they convinced her that they were having trouble getting their Mercedes transferred over to the States from Germany. They were dining at Black Angus restaurant and Cher had four hundred dollars cash tucked in her wallet, ready to pay some bills with. During the course of that meal, Rudi successfully convinced her that their Mercedes was stuck in Customs and they needed money to get it out. Cher forked over all of the cash in her wallet in the parking lot after the meal. She described Michael as “quite elated” when he discovered they now had the cash to obtain their car.

“Thank you very much. Friends for life,” he said, pleased.

Today is my last day in the Studio before I move in to Seattle to await my husband (who is on a cross country train!) for a few days. So today is my last writing day for this time.

As always, thanks for being out there, reading and caring.

healing

November 2, 2022 ~ katiecoolady ~ 1 Comment

I took this photo, unfiltered, this morning–wow what a view

This last year has been tough.

Dad died leaving a complicated estate for me to wade through and I’m still not done. My brother and I came way too close to losing access to our entire inheritance thanks to Marjorie–thankfully detected and corrected before Dad died. That was just the beginning of the gauntlet of complex banking and property/insurance/trust issues I’ve been working through for over a year now. I detailed that harrowing experience in the book so stay tuned for that story.

Plus my brother has been hospitalized twice, so managing him and taking care of our own lives with Lillian so she didn’t get lost in the shuffle; it’s just been a lot.

I told my husband this morning that I came on this trip as much to heal as complete the book. Don’t get me wrong, I’m writing, editing and re-organizing things for a few hours each day, but there is no urgency to finish things up as I’d planned. This is therapy for me, as is being here in Edmonds which is like a familiar safe cocoon. I love this little cozy studio and it has everything I need. I have my favorite haunts like restaurants, the Korean spa, the ferry and this view of course. It all nourishes me.

I think once Dad died, it really set me free to more deeply explore the abuse we experienced as kids and the impacts on each of us. It’s always been so much easier to focus on Marj, as we just didn’t love her, but the betrayal of our father, that’s the sting. With his being gone now, I no longer feel like I’m betraying him, by looking at how he betrayed us if that makes sense.

I keep finding myself winding back in to the chapters related to those traumas–adding, editing, honing in on what’s important and in what order to reveal it. It’s so important to me to at least look at our childhood trauma as a backdrop for the fatal choices Cindy made. It all fits together so clearly in my head and I hope I’m conveying it on the page.

Here is a snippet I’ve been working on this morning:

This juxtaposition of a life, led us to focus on the good times, while doing our best to deny and avoid the violence, desperately trying to cling to a vision of normalcy. At that age, the only thing you really want is to fit in and be normal. This very style of coping is evident in Cindy’s journal years later, when the stakes were far higher. Life and death, literally.

I’m in a whirlwind situation with so many confusing feelings. I need more than ever to give myself positive self-talk. I feel opposition in what I am doing and am not comfortable covering up the truth of what my new relationship with Michael is. It’s like I’m living two lives.

Cindy and I created our own little world, our own languages, our own forms of blocking ourselves off to Marj’s invasions, which angered her even more. “No one can get close to you girls” she would say, blaming us for her emotional distance.

Cindy warned me not to share too much with her, definitely not secrets. “She will use it against you some day” she intuitively seemed to know as a tween. Cindy was right, not that I always heeded her advice. Marj, a social worker, did have a skill in extracting people’s most intimate stories. She was easy to talk to. Yet in our case, she would stockpile the most vulnerable aspects of our inner suffering, then hurl them at us sometimes years later in the form of words like “well, as we all know, you’ve had problems with insecurity your entire life,” she’d say with a sympathetic looking nod. A passive-aggressive confusing message which made you think she was trying to help you, while feeling like shit at the same time. At one time or another, Marj heard from each of us the question “Why do you always need to see me in the most screwed up way possible?”.

It was like our problems/insecurities/struggles gave this woman life.

I’ve been up writing for hours now, so time for a break. It’s a blustery day outside, so I’m enjoying staying in watching these amazing textured clouds float over the Puget Sound.

I was going to run some errands, like getting the tire light checked on my rental car, but I’m thinking I may just take a wander over to my friend DoorDash and be an inside girl all day today. It’s so nice to have no schedule and no plans.

It’s one of my favorite ways to live.

me. at the movies last night to see Tar with Cate Blanchett

snippet

October 29, 2022 ~ katiecoolady ~ 2 Comments

snow on the mountains across the Sound

I finally got clear of my medical dramas for the most part (still coughing so staying sequestered for the most part–I hate being disruptive in places like restaurants or movie theatres with a cough).

I’ve been digging in to writing, ordering takeout and reading everything I’ve written thus far. I like it.

my favorite, shredded, writing sweater

I’ll share a snippet this morning that I’ve been editing about my police interview. I flew back from IL to AZ for one day–not even an overnight–to be interviewed before the brothers were arrested. I was too scared to stay even one night knowing they were out there on the loose.

Here is one snippet from that chapter:

I carried my purse and paper bag lunch up to the homicide department floor at the Mesa police station and Debbie met me there. She waited in the open waiting area as Davis escorted me to a small interview room. I ate my tasteless, crumbly sandwich in there alone, waiting a long time for the detectives to join me. I wondered why Debbie couldn’t just hang out with me while I ate and waited. The whole thing was oddly strained and awkward. Later, I wondered if they’d been viewing me through some kind of one-way mirror or hidden camera. I got about half-way through the disappointing sandwich, which was all I could stomach, then stuffed the remainder back in the white paper bag and waited.

Ron Davis finally returned with Homicide Detective George Felger who I met for the first time, although had spoken with numerous times on the phone in those five days. They sat at the bare table with me, turned on a small cassette tape recorder and started asking me questions. They started with the basics then the questioning directed fairly quickly toward Mark Maurer. I referred to the pages of notes I’d made on the plane.

KM: So back to the conversation with Mark, I, I just wrote down things that I, I put ‘em in quotes as they, as I remembered the conversation, that’s what I wrote down.

RD: That’s fine. Go ahead.

KM: “I told him I was still married but that I still loved him” That was something that she told me several times in the conversation, that she felt good about that, like she was, because she was, it was like in a way that he was upset and she wanted to console him, so she told him, it’s not that I don’t love you anymore, but it’s that I’m married to somebody else and we can’t be together’. And that, she said, ‘I felt good about that because then he wasn’t so upset.’ You know, it was like comforting him was the way she was feeling really good about the fact that she said it, ‘well, at least I was honest and I admitted the truth that I still care for him and I’m, I still love him’.

I could not impress enough on these investigators that Cindy believed Rudi and Anke had been back in Germany for weeks, and the fact that they were in Mesa holed up in the Village Motel together the whole time, was the biggest clue that they were all involved in this.

**************

After spending a few hours with this this morning, I’m headed to this cool spot downtown Seattle for a fun break–a flower mask making class. I’ll post pics later of how mine turned out. I’m going to box it up and send it to Lillian as a surprise–it will keep as we are working with dried flowers.

As always, thanks for being out there and caring,

Kathy

back in Edmonds

October 24, 2022October 24, 2022 ~ katiecoolady ~ 5 Comments

*took this the day after the smoke cleared–I couldn’t even see the Sound for two days prior*

Hello!

I’ve returned to my happy place, Edmonds, WA to finally finish this book.

I had a bit of a rocky re-entry though. I was quite sick the week before leaving, got a positive Covid test, got better quickly and made the cut for traveling post-Covid symptoms, so I was able to travel on this long awaited and planned trip. Also, my brother went off his meds again, and was admitted to the hospital the week before I left, so I had a lot of involvement with that and setting up a likely discharge plan for while I’m gone. Never a dull moment.

I landed in Seattle during an air quality issue, rendering it “the worst air quality in the world” (!). This kicked up my lungs again, landing me in an Urgent Care center for more albuterol for my nebulizer my husband wisely ~~forced~~ encouraged me to pack.

I started to hunker down and start my reading/writing process, only to come down with my first, aggressive, full-body case of the hives three days after arriving. Concerned this might be a reaction to my three-times-a-day albuterol treatments, I landed back in the Urgent care who also couldn’t figure out this new twist. It was kind of scary honestly, as it came on quickly in the evening, and Dr. Google kept talking about anaphylaxis, which just the mere mention of it caused my throat to constrict (ugh–I’m so suggestible). After a dose of Benadryl, I succeeded in knocking it back and knocking myself out and having a day-long hangover the next day, rendering it impossible for me to think clearly, much less read or write.

So I caught up with my ~~obsession~~ curiosity with the NXIVM case, watching and rewatching some episodes about it. As coercive control is an element of my book, this kind of thing is something I study. It’s fascinating and terrifying to realize how vulnerable very smart people can be to this kind of manipulation. Just as Cindy was. It’s not about intellect, usually. It’s about vulnerability. It’s still mind boggling, to me, how long these strings of influence can have over a person, and how damaging they are.

It’s a beautiful cloudy and cool day here in Edmonds, and I have a dinner date tonight with my cousin, so I’m making good use of my brain and this time to read everything I’ve written so far on this book and taking notes.

During my first days, I read Ruth Markel’s true crime memoir about her son Dan’s murder which was very good/heartbreaking/sad/inspiring. It was a perfect way to set my trajectory to getting back in to my writing. I realized I was missing some tonal aspects, and frankly, was just good to feel the solidarity with someone who is ensconced in the same web of murder survivorship and the legal process. I’ve been following that case closely, watching the dominos fall toward justice.

I’ll likely start writing some more tomorrow and share some snippets.

Oh, also they are doing another show on Cindy’s case, which will be airing on Investigation Discovery sometime this Fall or early Winter. I’ve been very involved in that, being interviewed for it, providing lots of video and photos and other material, so that’s been a project. I’ll definitely post when I have more information about when it’s being aired.

Here is one photo I found that I shared with them–not sure it will make the cut for the show, but it was taken on our last family trip to Maine the year she was killed.

That’s it for now. Stay tuned. And, as always, thanks for being there all this time and caring.

abundance

October 14, 2019October 15, 2019 ~ katiecoolady

It’s Monday and I’m up early and getting to it! I just have four more writing days while here in Edmonds, so I’m going to make the best of them. I had a little fun last week and over the weekend, so time to buckle down. I read through almost all of my chapters yesterday, editing and making notes and I like how things are coming along. I just have a very few chapters left to write, and I’ll complete one of those today.

Not gonna lie, I’m already dreaming about my next trip here. I just love it so much.

So to follow up with where I left off last time–the fantastic flower class I got in off the waiting list!

I always do my research, or at least as much as I can, before venturing solo in to a new neighborhood to see what I might not want to miss. The London Plane is in the Pioneer Square area of Seattle which is kind of between the train station and the happenin area of Pike Market. There are new places popping up around there, so I decided to go early to check out a local happy hour, have dinner and plenty of time to find parking.

Well, had no idea the traffic going IN to the city on a Thursday afternoon would be so brutal. It took me over an hour to get there and another 20 min or so of roaming looking for parking, so the happy hour I’d planned at a place I’d scoped called Good Bar was out. I squeaked in just in time for the class.

It was amazing. First there was a bar of really nice snacks, which was nice because I had been fasting all day (I’m doing Intermittent Fasting now). They had three selections of wine and delicious cheeseboard type of nibbles.

There were buckets and buckets of flowers, branches, berries, fruits etc. all around the tables that were preset with artisan vases and clippers (that we got to keep!) at each spot. I switched out the vase at my spot for a white and blue striped pottery vase.

The women hosting the event were both the owner of The London Plane and a local floral artist. I gleaned so much from just listening to them and watching. The LP is a unique concept which houses a flower shop/wine bar/coffee shop/pastry shop/cafe/boutique with handmade items for sale. It’s like everything I love under one really open and charming roof. I loved it and would totally hang out there if I lived in the area.

We got some intros to the flowers and their backgrounds, while the Jeni the floral artist created an arrangement as a demo.

They then basically set us free to choose what we wanted of probably 50 different varieties of the above options and we all spread out and went to town. I dumped my entire arrangement about half way through and started over…arrgh. I’m still very much in a learning curve. By the end, I was really happy with what I made. They also gave us boxes filled with tissue to easily cart them home (great idea). I learned very much about the direction of my new business and where I want to take it (and myself) in the coming year.

I am really interested in developing my skills as an artist and have decided to break out my easel (well get a new one as mine was lost in the flood) and get to painting again.

Oh! Almost forgot. Pat, my host here, had told me that day that she was planning on taking out her dying fig tree the next morning, asking me to park my car elsewhere to make space for that project. Well….I got a wild hair. I asked the London Plane owner if they might like the dozens of green figs/ branches/ leaves that would be coming off and discarded and she said yes! She offered Pat a $50 gift certificate for her fig remnants which was perfect as I really wanted Pat to get down there to check out the place–it’s totally her, as well.

So the next morning, I pruned that tree to an inch of its life and stuffed my car with figs and branches and toted them back down to the shop. It was a great caper, got me outside and a little bit of gardening as I miss my own garden so much!

After the class, I walked with my arrangement back to my car, kind of hungry still so thought about where I might grab a bite back in Edmonds. The neighborhood felt very different at night, so not a place I’d venture out on my own. As I sat in my car, checking my phone for directions, I glanced up and right across the street, just steps from my car was something that looked familiar. It was the exact type of font as the Good Bar lounge I had been researching earlier and lo and behold there it was! Literally in front of my face!

Well, that was a no brainer. Popped right back out of the car and walked across the narrow street and right in to this very cool spot in an old bank. The vault is still there even!

I ordered myself a cocktail and perused the menu. I had read one review where the man said he rarely would go to a swanky bar like that, but the sloppy joe was so beyond, he kept going back just for that. So, that’s what I got.

I was looking around with this goofy smile on my face, which caught the attention of the owner across the room and she mouthed “do you need anything?”. I motioned her over because I wanted to share with her good fortune in finding her place.

Well, we ended up talking and talking as she joined me multiple times as I enjoyed my cocktail, a “not cocktail” later as I was driving, my sloppy joe and then she comp’d me this delicious “Swiss Miss” ice cream that tasted just like hot chocolate, but frozen. Complete with mini marshmallows! Thank you Nancy!

I’ve found that when I travel alone, I often feel less alone because I’m more approachable and meet more people. Always sit at the bar is my motto.

I’ll end this with a snippet that I edited yesterday. Coming in to the home stretch. Once I get home, I’ll spend time getting back with the agents who expressed interest and likely reach out to new ones. True crime is at a high now, so I think my options are much better than even when I started this four years ago.

Back to writing!

It was all very robotic and infused with denial. I just kept reinforcing the story in my head—that Cindy had gotten a call from Mark, that he was in the parking lot of her apartment, threatening to come to the door, so she ran out to head him off at the pass. He was the “angry man” Michael was referring to. The only person she would run off like that to. Then the two of them went somewhere and were holed up in a hotel or something. This was the only story I could allow myself and I was holding on to it for dear life.

Meanwhile, the Mesa police were making the off-policy decision to forego their policy of waiting twenty-four hours to declare Cindy an official missing person. Maybe it was the fact it was Christmas Eve, maybe it was the life insurance I mentioned, or Michael’s strange drunken story that didn’t make sense. But the police declared Cindy officially missing by 6:00 that morning, just three hours after they had been contacted. And they sent a report to the media. The people of Phoenix were waking up on Christmas Eve morning to my sister’s face on their screens, declared “missing”.

With my permission, my friend Debbie had a key to my house and let the police in. They retrieved the note I left and Cindy’s airplane ticket.

Then they went looking for Mark Maurer.

beginning again

February 18, 2016February 18, 2016 ~ katiecoolady ~ 12 Comments

Today is my first day since arriving in Edmonds of really beginning this book project. My husband graciously drove me here from Arizona (yes he did 100% of the driving as I ~~relaxed~~ co-piloted) and with one fun overnight in Portland for a Portlandia style Valentine’s Day, we basically high-tailed it up here. Gorgeous scenery by the way through Utah and Idaho–States I’d not visited before except SLC briefly as a child. My thoughtful husband even had roses delivered to our table at the restaurant unbeknownst to me–actually I didn’t even realize he knew the name of the restaurant as I’d made the reservations. A fun tapas place showcased on the crazy show Portlandia.

We rested a day and a half here in Edmonds going to see The Revenant (!!!) and eating Oprah’s favorite fried chicken, then John left yesterday to fly back to PA and for me to begin this writing journey again.

I’m here for 4 solid weeks this time so can work at a more organized and leisurely pace as I truly feel confident I can complete the major parts of writing this book now. Editing will come later but the vast materials I am sifting through and the organizing/writing part will be doable. I’m also working with a writing coach/editor this time and will be sending out some proposals. Wish me luck.

With the luxury of more time, I decided to start with reading Juan Martinez’ book about convicting Jodi Arias. As I sat in that courtroom nearly every day with the family, this case is near and dear to my heart. I’ll ease in to the horror of our own case through his story telling of that one. Ironically his book was released the day I arrived here so I had it sent to me in WA. Per my plan I woke up before the crack of dawn this morning and began reading by the dim light of my cozy studio.

The sociopathy of Jodi Arias is so astounding and mind boggling as I read it described again through Martinez’ words. Her initial interview, which I’d watched on video many times, still blows me away. “Seamless” is such a perfect word he chooses to describe her velvety style of moving from story to story manipulated to defend herself while showing absolutely zero sign of anxiety. THAT my friends is a hallmark of sociopathy. And, I believe, evil manifested in this world. No shame, no remorse, no guilt, no fear.

I was also struck by the things Arias was interested in during the initial interviews. She desperately wanted to see crime scene photos and to know how Travis’ family was doing.

I believe Arias is far more dangerous than most killers including the Apelts for one reason: she took pleasure in the killing of Travis and by proxy the pain she inflicted on his family. She was demonstrating that from day one. I think she got a taste for that power and pleasure in killing and was setting off at her arrest toward her next victim with her newly purchased gun and two knives. I believe she was a budding serial killer aborted by her arrest. I just wonder who she was headed for next and also wonder if Martinez has speculated on that. Who do you think she was headed for with her concealed weapons when she was arrested?

yes those are the roses my husband had sent to our table

I’m about a third of the way through the book and may make more notes as I go along. The sun came up and I needed a break. It’s very heavy material. I’ll continue to make notes here on it as I go along.

In addition to Martinez’ book, I had some other documents delivered to me here. One key piece of documentation was missing from all the case files I brought with me last time which was Michael Apelt’s testimony. Like Arias, it’s stunning in its display of sociopathy so for the book I have to get the exact quotes. It will leave your jaw dropping as it did all of us in the courtroom that day. Sociopaths think they can convince people by making up reality moment by moment as they go along. The sad thing is this does work for them much of the time. They will use terms like “you heard me wrong” or “you are making that up” or “that’s not what I said” when confronted on their indiscrepancies and move, seamlessly as Martinez notes, to their next oleaginous fabricated stories. This process is confusing to most people but not to seasoned prosecutors like Martinez and our Cathy Hughes. They are expecting and waiting for it. Martinez was doing this research on her from Day One which is what is required. Sociopaths are generally the best at this game in town so it’s challenging to keep up with their slippery maneuvers.

I’ll get to this file likely tomorrow. I have to be ready to open it all up again but will likely start there, the newest material I have. Plus I have to pick up some more highlighter pens today as I forgot mine ;).

The weather here is partly cloudy and gorgeous. I love it. I feel so peaceful here as I gaze out at the Puget Sound and breathe this lovely humid air.

I’m for the most part alone here, as planned, so it helps to know you are all out there reading as I go along. For some reason, this is hurting my heart more to go in to this time than it did last time. Maybe it’s because I know what’s in there. Maybe because I’m thinking of Travis and his family. Maybe because this is just all part of the healing through writing for me.

Thanks for being there. ❤

back in Edmonds

October 5, 2015October 5, 2015 ~ katiecoolady ~ 4 Comments

Greetings from gorgeous Edmonds, WA where I am again for the fantastic Write On the Sound annual conference which was my entree to this beautiful part of the country that invited me back earlier this year to write 30 chapters of this book.

30 chapters which I , due to my own naivete and stupidity, nearly lost. I had a mini meltdown when the first day we got here (yes I brought my darling husband this time) I realized I’d forgotten my password for the online site LitLift I’d used to write my book on, without backup (yes, I said stupid). Well, apparently LitLift exists out there with no one at the wheel. The password reset email they generated sent me to an error message and no one ever replied to my emails on their contact form–scary! I sat and sat and finally made a jab at a password that *might* have worked and voila I was in! Whew! My husband stuck his flash drive so fast in to my travel laptop and we got all of my words out of that site as fast as we could. Talk about dodging a bullet!

Oh and Litlift finally did get back to me–via another “undeliverable email” message. It’s kind of unconscionable to me that no one has deleted that site or their Facebook/Twitter pages or made a notice that it’s defunct. NO ONE is minding the store, obviously. And people are signing up, trusting them. Ugh! I’m just glad I got my words.

In celebration, I will share some that I just opened to randomly and read to my husband the day I found them. Hope you like them too:

Cindy and I became famous for our spontaneous road trips. We would look at each other and almost simultaneously say “let’s go”. We would jump in the car and head to another city to visit a friend in college or in some cases make more dramatic adventures like that one time to Rocky Point Mexico on an impulsive Spring break weekend.
This trip was where I had the one and only foreshadowing of what was to come several years later. It was the trip where Cindy went missing and scared the living shit out of me.
“Come on, we’re going to Rocky Point” she called excitedly that day. “We’ll throw some stuff in the car, grab our sleeping bags, I have some food and we’ll play it by ear”.
As was often the case, this wasn’t a question or even an invitation. It was a mandate–we’re going. This was how things often went between us. Maybe I was having a rough moment, stressed in college, going through a break up or she was just having an itch. All I knew was she was driving and we were going. She streamlined it to what I had to bring, told me what time she was picking me up and that was that.
I loved our road trips. We had so much fun in the car. We’d make mixed tapes for them and catch up. Often it would start with “let’s obsess” once we hit the highway.
We were often going through something and with each other, could hash and rehash it to our heart’s content. It was almost always about boys–a world we were collectively befuddled in and failing at usually.
“Why is it that I’m not so in to a guy, then as soon as I have sex with him, I’m suddenly caramelizing for him and he’s not in to me?”.
Cindy created nicknames for everything and everyone.
Caramels somehow became a derivative of the word “karma” which was used, inaccurately, for being attracted to someone. “We have the karma” she’d say.
Then it turned to “I have caramels for him” which later became a verb “we were caramelizing, heavily” and on and on.
There was one road trip to LA where Cindy produced a tape recorder she’d borrowed from her work at the school system office. She’d brought it home for a project then got a wild hair to bring it on our road trip to visit Buddha in Santa Monica.
“I have a great idea for our trip” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “We’re going to interview each other”.
She named this interview show, via cassette tape, “The Dan Rather Show”.
For some reason, she spoke this name in in a semi British pretentious accent so it came out “The Dahn Rahthah Show”.
“Welcome to the Dahn Rahthah Show. Today’s guest will be….Oprah Winfrey!” and then she would interview me, using that five inch microphone tethered to the bulky cassette player while insisting I stay in character as Oprah Winfrey the whole time. Until she decided she was bored with Oprah and needed a new guest.
“Well, thank you for joining us Oprah. Now on to our next guest on the topic of ‘fame in America’ we welcome…Madonna!” and on and on with her in character questions.
She would stop the tape from time to time to listen to ourselves back as we laughed hysterically all the way across the boring desert to LA. Everything was a game with her.
Oh how I miss that. And how I wish I had those tapes. Even one of them.

I came here to this Conference the first time three years ago by myself. I’d never been to Seattle and it was such a magical trip, it took me five blog posts over on Two Innocents to write about it. I still feel the magic here but this time it gets doubled with my husband. We’ve slept well and dreamed here, written, shared, eaten great food, drunk wine he carried from PA, stared and stared at the gorgeous Puget Sound. And he’s teaching me chess. I lose every single time but last night gave him a run for his money holding him off my King for over an hour. VICTORY!

Today we take a train–the Amtrak Empire Builder–in to Seattle just for the experience of riding the train. We’ll bring our travel chess set and drink coffee and see a movie at the famous Cinerama theatre and then ride back. Not a bad Monday at all.

Hope you all out there are enjoying your Fall. I’m energized again to finish the book and I have a plan for another Sabbatical this Fall–in another part of the country. I’m ready to take this story to the next level.

Stay tuned…