some flowers I saw at Pike Market yesterday as some brightness before what you’re about to read

I realized this week that I’ve been dealing with issues around Cindy’s murder for over half my life now. Not just the grieving process, but the constant intrusions by the men who killed her and those who champion them (most likely them to be honest).

This week was no exception.

Once I decided I was finished with my writing for this visit, and taking a little transition break for myself doing some fun things, DING DONG, not so fast.

I was contacted by my Victim’s Rights Attorney in Phoenix about yet a new wrinkle in this fully-wrinkled map that was created in 1988.

Some background.

When we went to trial in 1990, the AZ Victim’s Bill of Rights was pretty new and of the many protections, one was that representatives for the killers could not contact us, as victims, without going through a representative for us. Some of you may remember the woman the Federal Legal Defender’s office sent to my doorstep one cold mid-December day–the day I had hauled out my decorations for my house–and sat in my living room trying to get ME to help THEM get leniency for Cindy’s killers. I was so disoriented as to who she was, as I trusted the mandate that I could not be directly contacted. I thought she was someone for our side when I let her in from the cold. But no, when I confronted her on that, she had the loophole she slipped through on the tip of her tongue. I kicked her out of my house and she left me her card.

I contacted our prosecutor who put me with the AZ Crime Victims Legal Assistance Project, who represented me, then used that invasion as an example to close that loophole, which was successful. Keli Luther, may she rest in peace (gone too soon), was who championed that cause. There is a whole chapter in my book that details this story. Likely the most egregious event that happened to me after the murder–driven by those who champion the killers.

Well, guess what? That statute has been overturned. Apparently they argued that it doesn’t matter who contacts a victim–the prosecution or the defense. Or who ambushes them in their home, the trauma is the same,

Yeah, no.

So, I’m being asked to retell that story in order to help the AG’s office appeal this reversal, which I will do.

Once I think I can compartmentalize this stuff, there it is again, reminding me of its ever presence. For the first time in over thirty years, I found myself wishing Michael Apelt would be executed, die of natural causes in prison or otherwise just disappear. I’ve not for one moment been invested, but as his execution looms, so do these traumatic invasions. I’ve been pretty neutral and detached about his execution, but these folks fighting against it are making me a staunch desirer for this sentence to be completed as ordered. Guess that backfired, huh?

I’ll do my part. But living in a mine field requires a certain type of resilience and I’m just tired.

Anyway, that’s that.

I just found the listing for the show they are doing on Cindy:

AMERICAN MONSTER

New Episodes Premiere Sundays at 9/8c on ID and Available to Stream on discovery+

If you looked into the eyes of a killer, would you know? Yet, on any street, behind any smile, lurks an AMERICAN MONSTER. Never-before-seen-video footage looks straight into the eyes of a killer, hidden in plain sight. Mom next door; dad across the street; the kid who never broke the rules. Anyone can be a MONSTER.

· Brothers and Sisters Premieres Sunday, November 20 at 9/8c on ID

Cindy Monkman turns heads wherever she goes, but by age 30, she’s looking for something more serious. Michael Apelt, a handsome German businessman, seems to be the answer to her prayers… until their first Christmas together turns into a horror story.

It’s interesting they titled it Brothers and Sisters. That’s the first I’ve seen that.

I have a Youtube channel now that I’ve done nothing with, but I have a potential upcoming project that I will be using it for.

I may schedule a live chat to talk about this episode after it airs.

Let me know if that is something you might want to participate in. Like just a “filling in the blanks” or Q and A or simply gathering for support.

Love you all out there continuing to care and read.

Kathy

I went to Biscuit Bitch today in Seattle.

I really look forward to the day when I can just enjoy my life vs. enjoying it in spite of…..